Remembering Jill

There's a sea in my mind
It's a sea of some kind
It's swirling and swirling
Till it seems I can find
A calmness to wash away feelings of doubt
As a wave crashes in and it washes them out
Serenity is where the currents they meet
If I just look down it is there at my feet
The freedom to be with all that I wish
The peace and the silence some things that I miss
But it burns like a fire with such a hot flame
It traps me then frees me then traps me again
There's a branch and it's caught
As it captures a thought
It bends me and breaks me
I snap like a twig
My body so small yet my mind is so big
And I can't let it go
My reactions too slow
Over and over
The world's gonna blow
Outside is inside
Or is inside out
Can I sit in the boat, simply trust it will float
As I rest all at sea
That sea in my mind
Is a sea of some kind

M&S Vouchers

I ask for just a little of your time
In which you read the following rhyme
Please pause right here
And read my gear
It's not mushy have no fear
It's just a message from the heart
For us all to take a part
In this life as we know it
As we battle not to blow it
Living each day on a string
As we will muck up some thing
We curse, we flagelate
And before we reach the gate
Something else has gone wrong
We keep adding words to the song
We feel bad, we feel rubbish
We've been so rotten for so long
But what if that isn't how it is
What if there's something vital that we miss
Maybe we are supreme human beings
Maybe we deserve many more much nicer things
Kindness is a must
And before you make a fuss
Turn that mirror in your face
Look straight into the power of your grace
Feel your body lighting up
Feel it filling up your cup
And ask yourself if it could be
That I am better than I think me
We can choose up with an abscence of down
We could really go to town
Lets drink to that and really live it
Put our hands on our hearts and say we'll give it
Our best shot
Sign on the dot
Cos it will really help a lot
To shake us free
And let us see
The light if we can bear
To stop and
Rest just there

SH October 2008
(for the Vickster)

Cupid

Yo ho ho
And a bottle of rumpy pumpy
I've just had some lovehearts
And man were they crunchy
This rhyme is so stupid
Good job I'm not Cupid
Cos no-one would love
They would look up above
Saying crikey is that what I think
It's a dove
No it's not it's that man again
Wearing a glove
And I would say no
With my cheeks all aglow
I come to bring passion
Right back into fashion
And they'd say
Oh well in that case you're wasting your time here
You need some other place where people are more interested in that sort of thing

SH October 2008

Velvet Night

On this velvet night I sigh
And wish upon a rainbow sky
The hope is dying in my hands
It turns to dust and grains of sand

Can you hear me
Spinning in desire
Can you catch me
Funeral pyre
There's an angel in the dark
Holds my ever wondering heart

Wandering Heart

My ever wandering heart
A flower quickly fading
Hear me when I'm calling
Catch me when I'm falling
I am a wave tossed on the ocean
In the sea
A vapour in the wind
I trust my sky

My Baby Need

I know that you just cannot be there
Holding all the time for me
I also know my baby needs
To be with you and never leave
Until this time I thought it wrong
To want to be here all along
I still cannot completely go
To a place I fully know
That's it ok to love the day you're there
And then again to bear
The times between the need to share
The feelings that I have in this
Especially when it's you I miss
Sometimes I don't know what to do
It seems I can't hold on for you
Until next week, I'm feeling meek
It's tender loving care I seek
My baby feels so all alone
I still cannot pick up the phone
Sometimes it's feels like we will die
And then as I begin to cry
Her tears of pain rise up again
I feel it's only me to blame
I know now that just isn't true
The way life was has brought me to
Feeling this lonesome
Brings on it's own some
Difficulties I can't express
It leaves me in complete distress
And feels like you only can hear
My calling as it comes so near
I'm letting go
And falling so
Deep into your hold so rich
The wounds that it appears to stitch
Are there from old
I will be bold
And face the fear
Your arms so near
My baby cries will become clear
Together we can heal this space
With such emotional embrace
For it's power to decrease
And bring a small amount of peace
I simply need to just release
Into it here
Feel every ounce of fear
And trust that you can hold me near


SH November 2008

Friendship In Love

It's such a shame
What became
Of a friendship
In love

How did it fade
To such confusion
Meet me there
In the darkness of the underneath

SH October 2008

For Lesley

Never underestimate
The gift that's in your hands
Beneath your touch, I just let go
No matter what my plans

Somehow, you just seem to know
What I need and where to go
In my body, where it's tight
As my mind maintains the fight

It seems in me you feed that place
Where love doth rest in angel's grace
Through your palms, to me such love
You give with something from above

Unconditional, I feel your hold
Encouraging always to unfold
Such gentle touch, which means so much
And tenderness, I can't express in words how it makes me feel

Deeper and deeper emotions arise
They are what they are, even in their disguise
And I am so blessed, that you're in my world
That you crossed my path as my body uncurled

SH January 2007

No More Tears - Just Tigers

As I sink to step, ride the wave with me
I wanted so much perfect eyes that would see
That softness is the space which holds
Slowly as my all unfolds
My noble spine, from sky to earth
Which allows me poise and shows me my worth
If only I could rest there still
Allowing my lonely heart to fill
My form with love and amazing grace
But the camera rolls and I loose my place
Can't look inside, I'm caught in my head
I was hoping for joy, all I'm feeling is dread
It's winter in my heart and it's happening again
Lots of dark clouds and here comes the rain
The sun goes in and the lights go out
This isn't it I wanted to shout
The walls come up, there's no escape
And once again, the mistakes that I make
The stick which lies tucked in the wings
Beats the beat, but no-one sings
Why oh why do I do this shit
I try on the shoes and they never fit
I want the perfect leaf to fall
Like the perfect tree stands tall
I want to be alone no more
Black and white tears on a monochrome floor
Hold me close and feel my pain
My expectations are all down the drain
I'm reaching out with nothing to give
And here in this moment, no reason to live
But tomorrow I know is a different day
And I can do this in a whole other way
Resting with this hurt and this pain
I know tomorrow will not be the same
A slice of sun is all that I need
To shine down upon my tiny heart seed
It can warm up the love that I've come to know
And join me again with my energy flow

SH November 2006

Sometimes (Always) There's A Sparkle

Sometimes in the mirror
She glimpses her true nature
The wholeness that is the centre of herself

There is a sparkle which has not died
It stays hidden from today because it thinks it is not welcome here
The sparkle is not going away
It rests like an eternal ember
When she places her hand on her heart and stands in the centre of herself
In this moment of now
Hand in hand with her true nature
She knows what she must do

There will be a new beginning
The rainbows will show up
The sun will come out again and shine brightly on her world
It has been too long already

SH October 2006

I'm Here To be Seen - Fuck It

So the rocks have been thrown
And my cover has been blown
There is glass on the floor
As I turn for the door
I decide, I won't leave
I will stand here and grieve
For it is what it is
If I run, I will miss
An opportunity to heal
All the pain that I feel
No quick escape anymore
No longer will I abhor
What I am in the night
I am heading for the light
I will be great
Stand up so straight
And be me

I'm here to be seen
Fuck it

SH June 2006

Ode To Be Free

The opportunity to be,
To really be and really see,
A little glimpse of how to grow,
To really grow and really know,
The things I had,
The things I lost,
The way it is,
The way it was,
Peeling back the layers small,
The layers big,
The layers all,
Underneath the clouds and mist,
I yearn for more than to exist,
When I can, I'll fly away,
Once on the wing, my heart will play,
Peace and joy are all around,
One day I know it's to be found,
A lust for life and love for me,
I'll take my life back and be free.

SH December 2005

From The Outside In

Within a circle,
In a square,
Inside my heart,
I’ll find it there

SH November 2005

Ode To Lindsey & Jack

I wanted to write you a miniature ditty
And hope that you hear me and feel oh such pity
For this poor little Mrs at home all alone
Who's dying to write you, or visit, or phone
Cos it's been so long since I last saw your faces
I'm starting to see them in such bizarre places
Like in the bread shop, I had to shout 'stop'
As this woman like Lindsey was running amok
And Jackie was there, simply standing to stare
I realised then that this just isn't fair
I miss you I miss you
We should get together
We could party till dawn
Turning hell into leather
Cos I think you are great
And I'm going to go straight
Out somewhere tonight
But it doesn't feel right
To go without you
Would be less of a do
So let's make a day
In our lives, come this way
And commit to be merry
We could all have some sherry
Let's drink to the friends
That we've found in us
And if I down too much
I'll go home on the bus

SH October 2008

Love Manifest

What is love
Is it that hand on my arm
Or open fingers
Holding silence
How does love manifest for me

Is it simply showing up
Or is it knowing how I feel
Love can speak
And it can not speak
Unconditional acceptance

The absence is profound
And makes the yearning deeper
Is living loving
Is it resting in the moment
With a peaceful heart

Knowing you'll be there
With a gentle guiding presence
Maybe there's no difference
Between that and this
Emptiness - sunyata

Is the sunshine through the trees love
While they are waving in the breeze
A leaf may fall
It's floats to the ground
Is that love

My heart soars
As I walk on crunchy snow
Is this love or
Just a distance from the past
Can love be living

SH October 2008

The Same

Suspended animation
Black and white nation

Patiently we wait for the years to make a difference
And they don't

Everything remains
Times moves on
Things don't change
Each moment
Every moment is the same

A hand on my heart
And a cloud in the sky
No-one asks why
As life passes them by

SH September 2008

Aloneness

How can I be alone
When all around there is love
Companionship means truth
And being there

It's so lonely in the night
I wish for a lover
Don't know what to do till then
Waiting patiently for it

Once the light is lit
Will I still be alone
Ultimately in a state of grace
Standing wishing

SH September 2008

They Are Changing The Shifts

Why does it have to change
Isn't it good as it is
Why must I do as they say
Too many rest days I'll miss

The hours are shorter now
Eight and a half
Until he says yes
It's all still in draft

I haven't allowed for
It being ok
What if it suits me
The shorter the day

There'll be less days off
But I can work round it
It doesn't have to be bad
If I remain grounded

Once again if I just
Say yes to a no
Then let go into
I'll give it a go

SH July 2008

Love

Today wasn't different
In fact just the same
Still calling and calling
But I don't know his name

Just this guy in my dreams
Who makes everything true
I fall into love
It's no less than I'm due

But I open my eyes
In the morning he's gone
There's an ache deep in my heart
Where the lovelight he shone

I light a candle to remember
That which I never knew
It's a wish for a touch
And the kisses he blew

There were roses
And magic
The loss feels
So tragic

But the stars shine at night
He returns to my dream
I live the night with him
Where my hopes all still gleam

One day I know
He will come in the day
I'll look in his eyes
And then he will say

I love you, I love you
I'll make this dream true
You're no longer alone
And don't have to feel blue

SH June 2008

Little Train Can I Say Yes

Little train
Can I say yes, to my no, yes
So I did
Then we did
Me and you and you
On the way
Was I scared, yes or no, yes
I can do this
And I did this
Sitting there with you and you
In the tunnel
Was I lost, yes, yes and yes
But did I make it
Course I made it
Understood by you and you
Then inside
A crowded room another yes
Embrace the fear
It's ever near
But so were you and you
And then there was the smallest room
At first I couldn't say yes
Encouraged then I did, yes
Fully yes
And that was just because of you
But then I had to go back
Through the tunnel
I can do this, no, yes
We connected through our hands
And changed my biggest no to yes
And I would not have done this
Without you and you

SH June 2008