Space

The space was there
And now it's gone
It's moved again
It's all a game
And I don't want to play
The space was there
And now I stare
Into the dark
Someone took and froze my heart
In time
Why do I live these lies, these lies
I need to leave them all behind
And turn toward the light today
Celebrate a new and peaceful way
If I don't
What will become
Of the good work I have done
Even though, it's still a mess
Deep down, I know there has been progress
Spiral up and spiral down
One day, I'll wear a spiral gown
Which only then will remind me of
The days of old, lost in the fog
The air will clear
And I will hear
The silent humming of the bees
Softly, softly, through the trees
The dark sky will be so bright
With longer days
And shorter nights
I pray for when I say I do
To the love I know can see me through

SH January 2006

Wishing For A Fire In The Hearth

Why do I punish me this way
Because I know no other way
Love is missing from my bones
I just want a loving home
A fire burning in the hearth
No-one warning, fire is hot
I will not touch, I know a lot
I know more than
They never trust I can
I didn't need a heavy hand
Just a lift, a kiss, a hug
From a warmth of knowing love
It's so much harder to start now
I do not even know how
I'm being taught though
By great teachers
Ones who understand my plight
They also know how hard I fight
I try so hard to let them in
Their love sets my mind into a spin
I strive and strive
As I head for
Being Alive
With Love

SH January 2006

Rantings Of Complete Non-Sense

Right in front of me I see
A dark and slimy tunnel
I am so scared of what it will bring
But on the other side my heart will sing
Sing for joy
Sing because it knows
This will be the end of my suffering

SH January 2006

Feeling Great

I feel great
I was loved
I was held
From beneath
From afar
It's ok when I'm held
I believe
I'm enough
All that other stuff
Just leaves

SH January 2006

My Soul

Where is my soul
In a pool of self hatred and guilt
All awash with the colours of doubt
And the frowns of the tensions in my life
When will it be free
Fly from the inside of me
To the outside from the inside
With Love

SH January 2006

Just Let Go

Help me
Please help me
I need you here today
Not tomorrow
That's no good
Do you not see my sorrow
Be my hug and my kiss
Arms around me I miss
I can't stand the way it is
So I won't anymore
Just collapse on the floor
Crying tears
Having fears
Turning round
Thoughts abound
To a life that is gone
Is no more
Has no home
Like a nomad
Am I mad
Just insane
Don't hold on
Anymore
Live for now
And not then
Just let go
Just let go
Walk on by

SH January 2006

Wounds That Won't Heal

I feel like I've lifted a bit
From the gloom that I felt
Like the whole world could melt
And I wouldn't care less
What a mess
That I find myself in
And how difficult it's been
To feel real
As I press on the wounds
That won't heal
If I let them
They will weep
I continue to lose sleep
It's all there in my head
As I lie in my bed
I try to breathe in the night
Let my thoughts become light
As they drift through my mind
And my heaven I will find
If I look
In a book
Will it tell me how to feel
When the whole thing is wrong
When my spirit is gone
I don't think so
And I cry
For my loss
Won't you try
To understand
How it feels in this
Empty, barren land
That is home as I know it
But it's not it
I have blown it
At least for today
When will it go away

SH January 2006

Just Stop

Sad, very sad
I've been bad, very bad
Makes me mad at myself
I could stop it and I don't
Could I stop it ? I don't know
Get confused, feeling fear
Am I determined not to hear
Something calls out my name
Or is it just playing a game
Did the cat catch the mouse
Does he live in this house
Will this non sense ever makes sense
Will I always be stuck in this rut
Trapped inside, where I hide
From myself and the light
It could free me
From this dark and cold place
Can't allow what it takes to be free
From the person I call me
Who is not even that
Just a jester in a hat
Who pretends and connives
Who is playing with my lives
I have to stop
right here
just stop

SH January 2006

The Hole

This hole is dark and it is cold
I can't escape no hand to hold
I'm reaching out
I grab just air
I stretch and stretch
Still no-one's there
I try to scream but hear no sound
Time ticks on
Will I be found
I cry so much
I rant and rage
It feels like living in a cage
Trapped inside I can't get out
The door stays closed
I shout and shout
Still no-one hears
No matter how many salty tears
Over and over in the dark
I hear the beating of my heart
If this goes on I'll tear apart
I can't go on here in the dark

SH January 2006

In The Centre Of The World

A deep, quiet, peaceful space
Inside, far inside
Something knows it's not a race
Starting to feel the journey
Instead of the end
Just want to sit
Stare through the window
Into nothingness
Forever changing
The past disappears in an instant
The future appears just as fast
This moment seems fleeting
And I should hold on
Appreciate what I have
Right there
Right then
In the centre of the world

SH December 2005