What's In A Cloud

What's in a cloud ?
Is there pain ?
Or only rain ?
To hammer down
From the cloud
On the plain

If I was a cloud
Would there be pain ?
No, only rain
Batten down
Beneath the cloud
It comes again

The wind blows on
And on and on
The cloud is gone
There was never pain
Only rain
To hammer down
From the cloud
On the plain
It comes again

Make It Go

I've let it arise
And I don't want it
Make it go away
Never to return
It makes me flinch
It makes me baulk
I cannot live
I cannot walk

Misunderstood

There's a place inside
A place that's deep
It's like pure pain
I used to hide it
Used to bury it underneath
Now some parts have been removed
There's nothing there to hold it
And so it leaks
Into my life
And now I feel it
Aching within
Pure burning pain
Hot with rage
Misunderstood

Of Course

Can I do it ?
Of course you can
Do you believe in me ?
Of course I do
Will you hold me in the night ?
I always have and I always will

Let Go

Let go
into love
and
your heart
will be light

Let go
into love
and
there is no
need to
fight

Why Am I Still So Afraid

So a poem for now
I don't really know how
To express what I feel
Or if it is real
I mean deep down inside
It's safe where I hide
And oh so austere
It's the light that I fear
And the way it might make
People see I'm a fake
Why am I still so afraid

I like it here where it's dark
And I know there's a spark
But if I curl tight
I can't see any light
Can pretend it's ok
Can forget night and day
It doesn't matter within
Because this is the skin
That I show to the earth
I have since my birth
Why am I still so afraid

If I stay alert
I'll never get hurt
I'm sure it will work
They'll just think I'm a berk
But won't ask me why
No-one knows that I cry
Cry in the night
I ache for the light
The light that can give
A lift, let me live
Why am I still so afraid

Let Go Into Love

Walking and walking
I need to get free
Free from this battle
With you and with me
I know that you think
That it's always like this
That's just your illusion
It's not how it is
It's not good for us both
Clinging onto the fear
It's not helping our growth
Keeping on year after year
It will never be
What it was at the start
We need to break free
If we're going to take part
In the life that's around us
Day after day
In a world that moves on
And that's just the way
I long to take part
You say that you don't
It's calling my heart
If you don't let it, it won't
We need to let go
Of the bonds in between us
With love not with hate
Cos it's slowly destroying us
Please let it be
For you and for me
Let go into love
And we both can be free

SH April 2006

Be Gentle

At the beginning of your world
There was a baby tightly curled
In a place where she felt safe
Once in the world a shock she faced
Everything seemed harder than
Back then when her first breath began

Be gentle with yourself sweet girl
Let your crumpled arms unfurl
Lift your head toward the light
It's time for you to stop the fight
This does not mean you're giving in
Just hold yourself through thick and thin

The Girl In My Mandala

There's a girl in my mandala
Who smiles at me with glee
She says she knows a secret
And it can set me free
She tells me life is wonderous
Says I twinkle like a star
She thinks I need some tenderness
She sends it from afar
She looks into my troubled eyes
Says she knows my heart is true
She tells me if I just let go
My life will follow through
She gives her hand for me to take
It fits mine like a glove
I fall into her open arms
She looks down from above
In her hand there is a gift
She says that it's for me
To use when I am most in need
Of holding tenderly
She says it will be always here
Tells me look inside and see
I do believe she gave her love
For it to set me free
She says again now just let go
She tells me by the way
She holds things which are beautiful
She holds me every day
There's a girl in my mandala
Who I think might just be me
Cos I was told a secret
And one day I will be free

SH April 2006

It's Still How It Is

It's another bad day
I want to create anyway
Not wanting ever to stop
Today, there are many bottle tops
To thread onto string
Make them into something
Which will resemble a
Multi-coloured mandala
Paper daffodils on card
Why does life seem so hard
Leaves green, flowers yellow
I begin to feel mellow
It comes and it goes
There are highs, there are lows
While the sky remains grey
My spine calls to me 'Hey'
It's not over and done
Don't give up on the sun
It's still there, so am I
Floating up, way up high
It's just gone for a while
Will return, make me smile
It will shine on my face
And give me the grace
To take care when I can
Gently hold onto my hand
To be kind to myself
For within there is wealth
That just waits to be told
It's time to unfold

SH April 2006

It's Just How It Is

The trees, the birds, the sun, the earth
Don't touch me the way that they have
I am inside myself and it's different today
I feel sad and reserved and there's nothing to say
It's not good what I feel and it's just how it is
Can I rest in this moment with nothing to give
Am I trying too hard to be silent inside
This mandala day, I'm just here for the ride
I could wish I felt different, there's no point in that
Hanging on to the memories of this and of that
I could look to future with hope in my heart
No point in that either, right here is the start
I am what I am like the tides of the sea
They ebb in the moment, with the flow they are free
I sit here in my chair and I breathe in the air
See a glimmer of something that's just under there
I remember two grains of wisdom I heard
That 'To Be Is Enough' and that 'Now Is The Word'
If I take down the person I placed on the shelf
At the base of the pile, that is my true self
Under layers and layers, after years of this shit
Fear and more fear and that just is not it
Let go of it all and believe I won't fall
Much easier to say than to do
If I could just do it
Believe just a little bit
Beneath all that stuff, there is truth and there's love
Then my heart could let go, rise above

SH April 2006