How Hard Is It ?

No-one knows
How hard it is to be me
To drag my heavy heels through
My life day after day
Even when it's better
Knowing not better will return
To consume the whole of me again

No-one can hold me
Like I want to be held
I want to be held forever
How long is forever ?
I think of forever as until I die
Sometime I hope that is soon
Why does to die feel easy
When to continue to live
Feels impossible ?

SH November 2008